Reclaiming My Life

December 2nd 2006 that’s the day I reclaimed my LIFE!  It has now been 1 year since I walked away from the darkness & death of my addiction to pornography.

That day I confessed my sin at Porn & Pancakes and started a battle with the sin that once controlled my life.  If you don’t think it’s a battle than you have never been down that road.  I still struggle with it from time to time but, I now know that God has something bigger and better for me than that.  The daily images seen on TV, magazines, and the countless images that the Internet has is enough by it’s self.  Today along with accountability, the word, friends, and a amazing wife I now control it.

This change has brought my wife & children back to me and restored the relationship that I once was throwing away.  That season of sin stole so much from my life.  I lost countless bed time stories with my kids, kiss & hugs goodnight from my daughter, and the time to be with my wife.  I will never be able to get that back but, I will do my best to make sure I don’t miss out on the rest of my life.

My life is perfect now that I have removed this sin from life; would be a complete bold face lie.  My life is not perfect and never will be!  I still have a temper from time to time, I lose control of my mouth and say things I shouldn’t.  I still SIN daily in my life.  The only difference now is that I confess my sins and ask for the forgiveness that Christ died for.

Since that day I told my self I would not just take a back seat to this.  I would do what ever I had to in order to help others and get this issue out in the public eye.  Over the last year God has provided me & my wife so many channels to share our story.  From events like Porn Sunday, Porn & Pancakes, news & television interviews.  My passion for this has not faded away and I want to continue to do what ever it takes to help with this.

A huge thank you to JR Mahon, Craig Gross, XXXChurch, Donny Pauling, Friends, Family.  Most of all my wife for forgiving me for what I did.  Without your love and amazing commitment to your family this story would have been very different.  I can’t wait to see what God has in store for us as we stand together in this battle and our lives.

Does He Love You?

 

This past week my wife Darcy & I had the privilege of going to Naples, Florida to do an interview for a show called “Turn it Around” hosted by Dr. Tim Clinton.  We met some amazing people and had a chance to get away from all the normal day to day items.

During the taping of the show Tim asked Darcy a question no one had asked here before. “Do you think he loves you”?  Darcy turned and looked at me and smiled and said yes.  Now, Darcy knows I love her and I do as well but, does everyone else know that I love her?  If you did not know the two of us and were to walk by would you know the love I hold for her?  To my deep regret I would bet the answer to be no.  In public I do not hold her hand, look into her eyes, or hold her tight like lovers would do.  Instead I have to be a man stand tall, grunt, and pound my chest to announce that I am king of my domain.

Now if you were to sit us down talk to us and spend a little time getting to know us; then you would know the love we have for each other.  We’re best friends and care deeply for one another.  I do not want everyone to have to sit down and talk to us to find this out.  With out looking like a fool and running ads, screaming from a building, or wearing a sign telling people I love her.  I want everyone to know by just looking at us and to say “those two are truly in love”.

After thinking about all of this I have realized that I have cut off the affection that Darcy needs and wants.  She is an amazing wife, mother, student, and friend but, most of all she is the love of my life and I thank GOD everyday that he brought her to me.  From this day forward I will do my best to show my love for her and stop trying to prove I am a man.  If you ever walk by us, weather you know us or not; I hope you say to your selves “those two are truly in love”.

Dayton Porn and Pancakes

 My hat goes off to the team players at Far Hills Community Church and Apex Community Church.  They really came together to put together a great event.  Jason Harper was the speaker at this event and drilled it out of the park.  I have heard a lot of sermons and speaches on the topic of porn lately.  Jason did a great job of grabbing it; brining it down and displaying all its ugleyness for all to see. Donny Pauling was also there on this day sharing his experiance as a porn producer who has now walked away from the industry and going strong after one year know.  Each Porn and Pancakes has its own style and feel but, they all have one thing in common.  That one things is a group of men coming together as one to face the issue of pornography head on.  My prayer for the guys who were there is that if they are struggeling with porn that they will talk with someone right away and expose this dark secret that they have been hiding.  They evaluate who they say they are and who they really are.  For the people who may not be struggeling with this but, know someone who is that they be given the words to speak that will show love and forgivness. Get accoutabilty! goto X3 Watch and download the free accoutnability software.